I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
