I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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