What a fucking waste of an outfit
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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