I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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