I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dicks are not precious.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
