I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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