but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
