peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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