i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
