The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
