This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
