I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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