I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
