Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
