Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
