I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I could fuck to npr.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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