okay pat passed out under dana's car
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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