sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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