End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I forget how to act sober
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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