I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
