you would pick up someone in the library
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
