it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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