You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
