My underwear smells like fireworks.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
