you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize