I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
