Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
