I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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