Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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