I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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