pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
