I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
