I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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