There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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