Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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