can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
