just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
