I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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