Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
