Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
