Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
