i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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