you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
