Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
