I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
