Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize