people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
