Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
