Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
