I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
