I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
