I love black thongs
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just had sex on a roof
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
