Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
