He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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