I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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