i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
