Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
