I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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