I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
