RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
