So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
