Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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