My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
