my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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