Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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