I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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