im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
