Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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