with your own penis?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
