Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
