Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
