i permit you to call me
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
