dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
not ubering you a puppy
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize