I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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