at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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