She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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