I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
