Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
